


Missing You

by bdol



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Past Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 14:02:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9444416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bdol/pseuds/bdol
Summary: When Yuri opens up, Victor meets him where he is.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please be advised: this work contains somewhat graphic descriptions of cutting. Writing this has been cathartic for me.
> 
> The title is taken from All Time Low's song "Missing You", and all spellings come from the official website.

“Can I ask you about your scars?” Victor asked Yuri one evening while they were in the onsen after a long day of practicing.

Yuri closed his eyes and inhaled deeply--he knew Victor was bound to ask about them eventually. The horizontal lines running up his arms and down his thighs were impossible to hide in the hot springs. Yuri also regularly wore t-shirts after he returned home, no longer bothering to cover up his arms. His whole family knew anyways.

Yuri opened his eyes and let out the breath he had been holding, “Yes,” he said softly.

Victor was quiet for a minute, and Yuri could tell from the expression on his face that he was unsure of which question to begin with. Most people who found out often gave him pitying looks and asked the question they were all dying to: why?

“What did you use?” came Victor’s query, breaking Yuri out of his musing. Phichit was the only other person to ask Yuri this; he had done so after finding Yuri sitting in the shower crying, blood running down his thighs. Phichit hadn’t judged him for his relapse; he only wanted to help prevent another. 

Yuri bit his lip, “A razor blade. I smashed open a razor and stashed the blades,” he admitted. He had taken one from Mari’s pack of razors and smashed it desperately with a shampoo bottle. Yuri kept them wrapped up in a small Ziploc bag that he kept under his bed when he was in high school.

“I used hair scissors,” Victor whispered, “Yakov would have killed me if he caught me with razor blades. I’ve always trimmed my fringe myself, and so I regularly kept a few in my bag.”

Victor stood up, splashing the water. He slowly traced fingers vertically over his hip bones, “They're right here. You can barely see them anymore, but I can still feel them when I run my fingers over the spot. I always made sure that I put them in a place that others would almost never see unless we were intimate, and even then the lights were always off to make them harder to notice. When I changed in the locker room, my underwear hid the evidence. And if I seemed to have some pain in my hips, well, it could always be attributed to a fall in practice.”

Yuri was speechless. He had never in his life ever imagined Victor as someone who struggled just as much as he did. And when the time came for him to open up, Victor truly did meet Yuri where he was. Victor always allowed Yuri to set the pace and never once asked Yuri for more than he could give. And now, Yuri felt ready to give up this story of his past. Victor opened himself up to Yuri, and Yuri felt like he could do the same.

“Give me your hand,” Yuri quietly ordered.

Victor sat back down in the water next to him and did as he was told. Yuri took his hand and led it to his wrist. Victor slowly moved his fingers along the inside of Yuri’s wrist. He gasped. Cutting through the horizontal scars that he expected was a long, single vertical one.

“When?” Victor breathed, his voice shaking slightly.

“I was sixteen,” Yuri confessed, “Mari found me on the bathroom floor after I had passed out.” 

“I was so tired of everything,” he continued, “Yuko and Takeshi were my only friends, and even then they were both in grades above me. I was the weird figure skating kid. I was the fat kid. And then word got out that I was gay.”

Yuri’s jaw tightened, “The day I did it, I had come home with three cracked ribs from a couple of kids who thought it was a good idea to send me a confession letter as a joke.”

“Oh Yuri,” Victor began, his eyes watering, “I’m so sorry.”

Yuri shook his head, “It’s over now. I graduated high school and went to Detroit. I didn’t come back for five years. I-it’s over.”

“Even still,” Victor said, moving to hold Yuri’s hand, “I wish I could give those assholes a piece of my mind.”

Yuri gave a watery chuckle, “No need. Takeshi beat you to it a couple years ago. I’m pretty sure he and Yuko chased those guys out of Hasetsu.”

Victor raised Yuri’s hand to his mouth, gently pressing his lips against the back of his hand. He then kissed each of Yuri’s fingertips before pressing a single kiss to the long scar on the inside of Yuri’s wrist.

“You are so strong, my love,” Victor murmured against Yuri’s skin, “Every day I get to spend with you is a blessing.”

Tears streamed down Yuri’s cheeks, and he cradled Victor’s face in his hands. He kissed Victor, long but chaste, and then moved to press their foreheads together. 

“I could say the same for you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yuri's smashing the razor to get the blade out is something I've done before. I've been clean for a couple months now, and I needed to get it out somehow. 
> 
> Please consider talking to someone if you are hurting yourself or contemplating suicide. At the very least, please be safe.
> 
> you can find me on tumblr at [ glaswitch ](https://glaswitch.tumblr.com)


End file.
